I am sure most of you read or heard about recent comments of a stay at home mom "never working a day in their life." I am not going into the political points of who said what and why or what I really think of all that. What really struck me though was all of the comments after the fact from both men and women that stated that they didn't have the" luxury " of either being a stay at home mom or allowing their wife to be a stay at home mom. Wow! I have never once thought of being a stay at home mom as a luxury.
I mean no disrespect to working moms. I was once a working mom. But, being a stay at home mom is not a luxury. The definition of luxury is: 1. Something inessential but conducive to pleasure or comfort. 2. Something expensive or hard to obtain. 3. Sumptuous living or surroundings. As a stay at home mom, I am working every day in many different ways. I am the mother, chef, housekeeper, nurse, teacher, laundress, seamstress, manager, accountant, nanny and whatever else that particular day demands. What part of that is inessential but conducive to pleasure or comfort? The stereotype of the SAHM watching TV, eating bonbons, and taking bubble baths just is not reality. The only TV watching during the day at our house is Nick Jr before nap time. I have never eaten a bonbon in my life (though I have been known to stash some chocolate in the cupboard for emergencies.) I have taken one bubble bath in a year. Stay at home moms do not have these luxuries. Not only is there work to be done, we have to do it with all of our children underfoot! So that kitchen that just got cleaned and mopped will have muddy footprints in 5 minutes. The second the dishes are done it is time to prepare another meal. Those 4 loads of laundry that just got folded will get knocked over before it gets put away. I don't get to "clock out" at 5 pm. My job continues 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
We did sacrifice a second income and with the sacrifice of that income did have to learn to be much more careful with our money and our budget. The amount of money that the 9 of us live on successfully would be shocking for some people. I know families of 3 or 4 that cannot manage with double the income that we make. But we do survive and successfully. Our children have clothes to wear and food to eat. We have a nice house and a few vehicles. There are more toys here than any child could ever need. We get to eat out on occasion and even take a small vacation every year. We manage to buy all the children's school supplies and participate in fun and educational activities. The truth is when I was working we had a whole lot of expensive things we didn't need and a lot more debt.
I am grateful that my husband recognized the importance of me being at home with our children and did not view it as a luxury but a necessity. I am also grateful that he is such a good provider for this family and willing to sacrifice some luxuries. The children are thankful too.
Well said! I was just thinking about how many times a working mom has said that to me. That they don't have the "luxury" of staying home. They have to work. I think it's all about your perspective. My husband too viewed staying home as a necessity for our boys to grow up healthy emotionally, physically and mentally. Me working was not an option. So we made sacrifices, we had one car for a long time, eat most of our meals at home, I breastfed and did cloth diapers to cut costs and it was better for them so it was a win-win. I still work from home via computer when I can because we can't really "afford" for me to stay at home but we view it as the most important thing we can do for our kids. It means we struggle more than we would like but we believe we are making the right investment in the right area and that God will bless that. Being a stay at home mom is hard, I've even caught myself wanting to go to work sometimes! But I would miss so much and my boys would not get the level of care that I could give them. It's a tough job but it's worth everything we can put into it! Great post!
ReplyDeleteThe list you gave of what you do as a sahm, is what working moms do too. We do everything that stay at home mom's do only we have less time to get it done.
ReplyDeleteGifton, staying home might be the best thing for you but the fact of the matter is you still have the choice to work if you want. Many of us working moms dont have a choice, no matter how badly we may want to stay home we have to work to pay the bills. Show me the evidence that you need to stay home in order for your children to become decent productive members of society. It isnt a necessity- working for many of us is. Credit card companies dont care if you want to hold off on paying off any debt until your kids go to school.
Frankly i am tired of hearing stay at home moms whine about how tough they have it. You know what, like i said in the beginning, housework along with caring for our kids is something done mainly by women still- it doesnt matter if you work or stay at home. We have to find time to clean our houses, do laundry, cook, do dishes, along with finding the time to spend with our kids.
I dont think you stay at home moms realize how lucky you are. You can breastfeed for a long as you want-us working moms often give up on breastfeeding before our kids can get the full benefit from it, finding the time to pump every few hours at work is a hassle, not to mention the lack of privacy. If our kids are sick and need to stay home fom school, we have to worry about how we can get away with calling in without losing our jobs(which spells disaster for many of us). Same thing applies if your sick. If you dont feel like doing laundry or dusting furniture because you are lazy, tired, not feeling well, you can get away with not doing it for one day. Us working moms cant just say i am tired i dont feel like going to work today. You can attend as many school functions as you want without co workers whining about having to pick up your slack and how unfair it is you get time off for your kids's activities. Last but not least, you have all the time in the world to do housework and spend time with the kids. So it makes me angry when i hear stay at home moms talk about how hard they have it.
Working moms have it worse. So yes from my perspective being a sahm is a luxury. Not everyone has the choice to stay home that is why it is called a luxury!
The whole purpose of this blog post was to show that by definition being a sahm is not a "luxury." It was not meant to be a "I'm better than you" post because I choose to stay at home. I have never whined or complained about how hard my life is. I take great joy in being at home with my children. There truly are some women who do not have a choice and have to work, but many times it really is a life style choice. We choose to live in a less expensive house, have no car payment, and live on a budget. I believe with all of my heart that children whose parents are their care givers with moms that are home with them are better off, just as I believe that homeschooling is better than public school.
ReplyDeleteBeing a working mom is very hard! I have been that working mom with sick kids at home. I was that working mom who was trying to breastfeed and had to return to work when their baby was 4 weeks old. I missed many times with my children and family because of having to work.
All of the things you listed taught me the importance of being at home with my family. The most important "job" I will ever have is being a mom and all of the stuff in the world is not worth sacrificing my time at home with my family. We chose to change our lifestyle in order to make it possible for me to stay home. It wasn't easy. There were times when the bills were mounting and we weren't sure how things were going to get paid. But, with hard work, sacrifice, and prayer we have overcome those times.
Being at home is not a luxury, it is a necessity for my family's well being and my own.
New to your blog. Love this article just for the fact that you named all the things that happen everyday in our house LOL I have worked. I have stayed home. I have WORKED AT HOME and that was the hardest. (rivaling the homeschooling and staying home) But either way (in response to the comment above) lets put aside the criticism about what other moms do! lets unite in excitement that no matter what we choose to do WE ARE DOING WHAT WE ARE ABLE TOO!
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