The other day, we happened to sit behind another family with 7 children when we were out to eat. It was a buffet restaurant, so the children were up and down and I didn't really even notice the size of the other family until the mom asked me how many children I had. So I talked to her a little and she shared during the course of the conversation how many people (family and other wise) that have negative to her about the size of their family even to the point of reducing her to tears. This I too have had a lot of experience with. Whether it has been complete strangers, family, or members of my church, I have been faced with all kinds of harsh, rude, insensitive remarks from people about the size of our family. Comments ranging from "concern" over my health, ability to support a family, or how being in a large family will affect my other children to just plain rude comments like, "don't you know how to prevent that" or "don't you have a TV." Yeah. If there is a rude comment to be made about big families, I thought I had probably heard it. Then, I noticed that the Duggar Family has announced that they are expecting their 20th child (which by the way I think is wonderful!) Wow! The negative comments that I read absolutely blew me away! I cannot believe the things that people had to say about this family.
Has anyone noticed the things that have become acceptable in the world? No one seems to have such a big problem with teen age pregnancy. In fact, in McDonald's the other day, Chelsea (14) was holding Emelia (8 months) and keeping an eye on the other children playing while I went to order our food. A lady approached her and told her how beautiful her baby was and how brave she was to start so young. Really? Dead beat dads that don't support their children with their time or money do not raise such a strong reaction from people. We are murdering unborn babies every day and that seems to be fine with people. Divorce and infidelity do not even raise an eyebrow anymore.
What is it that is so wrong with a Christian family following God's will for their life to have a large family? When did children become a burden not a blessing? Genesis 1:28 says, " God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." He still believes that children are a blessing. God has not changed, His word remains the same, " Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." Ps 127:3-5 (NAS) Jesus said, "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14.
Large families are not dysfunctional, they function quite well, and no kids do not raise kids although they do have responsibilities within the family. Responsibility is not a bad thing by the way and yes they are all loved and get plenty of attention. Women are made to have babies , and although their are medical risks to everything, studies have shown that having and nursing babies are beneficial to your health (yes there are always exceptions to everything.) Financially, yes children cost money (everything does) but if a family chooses to have many children and are not asking anyone else to pay for them, why does it matter to anyone else? I can think of many other things people should be worried about than a Christian family choosing to give birth to children who will grow up and do God's work here on this earth and will further His kingdom.
I am so sorry that you have had this experience!
ReplyDeleteWhat one person believes may be different than yours, but that doesn't give that person liberty to belittle you for her different views.
I believe that the Lord gives us what we can handle, and He knew that I couldn't handle more than my two. He obviously knew that you could handle more. Neither is wrong... just different and blessed in different ways.
Naomi, It definitely is not about the numbers. God did not make all families to be the same. Children should be a blessing whether you have 1 or 45 :).
ReplyDeleteyou know, it is a great blessing to know the great joy that comes with being a dear wife and mama. You are blessed, as i know you know, to have been given such a desire for such a good thing. And that desire is strait from God. It is God who works in you to live and love in this world full of hard things, like folks who sadly don't know the truth about life and Who gives it. The truth about God's using the the weak things, the little things, the hard things, the serving type things to show the wealth of His mercies and kindness. He was truly despised as He walked the earth, and it will be no different for those clinging to Him, doing His work, loving the things He loves. A mama of any number (just like you said) is just the best thing, she is a servant, and I think it's just an opportunity to show love when there is a truly harsh attitude toward you out in the world. To have mercy on their lack of grace for you, to know that you are a light to them with your beautiful children. I use to get so irritated at those remarks! Especially when they came from my own parents! Oh my, it's so hard. But what a way to show grace, to smile and say, yeah my hands are full, and I love it, would you like to meet them? :) I am so thankful for your many blessings, for my many blessings, and for Michelle Duggar's 20th blessing! Wow! I am just amazed by her, she is wonderful. I watched that whole season finale, we just love that family so much. I wish I could have spent a year with the Duggars before I had my first baby, what a difference her calm and loving influence would have had on my mothering. The past two days I've been trying to purposefully talk just like she does, very calmly. I know it won't last, but I'm trying!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your frustration! I just try to ignore the negativity and realize that most people don't understand the view of children as blessings. At least we, as large families, can give them a different view of children and show them that they are not burdens.
ReplyDeleteWhat is funny for me lately is that when people find out that I have 8 children they ask if we are going to have more and seem disappointed when I say probably not! I wonder if they were hoping for the opportunity to try to talk me out of it?